Cupidity Page 7

  ‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’ Mae raised her voice to Peter.

  ‘Shut up woman. Do not speak to me in that tone. If I want to question the girl, I will and I will not be spoken to like a fool by you. Sometimes you’d do well to remember your place, god damn, I let you get away with it most of the time.’

  Peter finished his drink and slammed his glass down on the table. Mae’s face burned a crimson red. She got up and left the table leaving Martha and Peter alone. Peter was getting drunk and Martha hadn’t seen him speak to anyone like that before although she wasn’t surprised. Mae always did push the boundaries. He was usually so jovial and chivalrous but things always do go on behind closed doors thought Martha, and she was caught in the thick of it.

  ‘I’ll go and see if Mae needs anything’ said Martha sheepishly, and she got up and left the table.

  Martha found Mae in the front room picking up toys. She was doing it frantically as if she was being timed in a competition.

  ‘Mae,’ said Martha, quietly.

  Mae acted surprised, ‘Martha. I didn’t see you there. I was just clearing up.’

  Martha put her hand on Mae’s arm, ‘Are you ok? Is everything ok?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh yes, everything is fine. Take no notice of that idiot. He’s had too much to drink. I hope he didn’t upset you,’ she said, as though the wind had been knocked out of her sails.

  Martha thought it was odd that Mae thought Martha would be upset if anything it should be Mae that was upset. Unless she is trying to deny what was happening at that table, thought Martha.

  The two women got on with dinner and didn’t talk about the table conversation any further. Peter didn’t join them for dinner. He sat in ‘his’ chair and listened to the wireless while the women played ‘Mum’ with their two boys.

  Later that evening, after the women put the boys to bed, Martha decided to try and avoid the crossfire and went to bed early to read and leave Peter and Mae alone. Although she tried to read, her mind was racing. Peter had made it clear he had feelings for her. Was he just trying to make Mae jealous? Martha couldn’t tell. Whatever he was doing, Martha couldn’t say.

  Is he jealous because I am going out with David tomorrow or was it just the alcohol? Does Mae trust me? Is she going to ask us to leave? Where would we go? Oh, I’m probably reading too much into it. Stop thinking, Martha. Shut up.

  She smacked her book against her head to try and quieten her thoughts. She realised she had read about three chapters and hadn’t taken any of it in. She wondered what time it was and then she heard them coming up the stairs so she realised it must be later than she thought.

  There was muffled talking. She couldn’t make out if they had resolved their earlier spat or not. Someone went into the bathroom. It sounded like Peter. The toilet flushed. The tap ran. There was the spitting of toothpaste. The tap went off. The door opened. There were a few footsteps. They had stopped outside Martha’s door. Silence. Martha’s heart pounded. Then there was the creak of the other bedroom door opening.

  Her visitor had left.

  Who was it?

  Was it Mae?

  Was it Peter?

  Shortly after, Martha then heard what sounded like Peter and Mae having sex. There was no noise from them, just the sound of the bed creaking. It didn’t last long and ended with relief noises from Peter but not a single sound from Mae. Compared to how vocal they had been the other night, that was not an act of love that had happened next door. It sounded like a wife fulfilling her marital duties. Martha couldn’t sleep.

  She lay there for what seemed like ages just staring. Her mind was racing with so many thoughts that she just couldn’t sleep. She didn’t even want to go out with David. She agreed to it to keep everyone else happy and now they had all argued about it.

  She needed to go to the toilet. She didn’t want to get up and disturb anyone. If anything, right now, she wished she could be invisible in that house. She felt like there was a bright light shining on her wherever she was. She couldn’t hold it in; she must go to the loo.

  She crept out of bed as quietly as she could and tiptoed into the bathroom. When she returned to her room, Peter was in there, standing right in front of her.

  ‘Don’t go out with David,’ he said, staring right into her eyes.

  Martha’s heart felt like it was a racehorse and it was going to burst out of her chest. It was beating so loudly she was sure they both could hear it.

  ‘Don’t, I don’t want you to go out with him,’ Peter continued.

  Martha tried to find the words to say but was speechless. Peter stepped closer towards her. She gulped. He put one hand on her chin and stroked it while looking at her up and down. Then, he moved his hand under her hair and cupped the back of her head and pulled her in.

  They began kissing passionately. Their hands were going everywhere, exploring each other’s bodies and then Peter pulled away. He held Martha in front of him and looked right at her.

  ‘Don’t go out with him.’

  He stroked her hair away from her eyes, kissed her on the forehead and then left the room. Martha collapsed on the bed.

  Chapter 6

  The next morning, Martha was up before everyone.

  To put the previous evening’s events to the back of her mind, she thought she would get up and prepare breakfast for everyone. It was a lovely day with the sun shining bright and a warm breeze blowing.

  She opened the back door and had the windows open and set about laying the table for them all to eat together. She could hear movement upstairs and knew it wouldn’t be long before she was faced with her betrayal. She didn’t know who she wanted to see the least but had hoped that today was a new day and that last night was the result of Peter having had too much to drink; despite the feeling she was trying to rid herself of that, she had enjoyed kissing Peter. Mae was the first to appear.

  ‘Morning Martha, that early night did you good.’

  She appeared in the kitchen looking as glamorous as usual. Martha felt panicky while filling a teacup for Mae.

  ‘Did you go straight to sleep? You’re not normally up this early,’ she said sitting down to the cup that had been poured for her.

  ‘Do you know; I think I must’ve done’ she replied, nervously, with a slight laugh.

  The first lie had been told. That was it now. The web of lies had been created. Mae was the spider; Peter was the web and Martha was the helpless fly destined for a slow death.

  ‘I’m sorry about last night Martha. Peter can be such an arse when he’s had a drink. Now that you are living with us you will get to see a different side to his personality. Just ignore him, that’s what I try to do.’

  She had got away with it. Mae was none the wiser. Martha felt relief followed by grief followed by shame.

  ‘Just be grateful you don’t have to sleep with the buffoon.’

  They both giggled. Mae’s was a genuine laugh and Martha’s was of sheer panic. The two boys came bounding down the stairs like a small herd of elephants bringing the whole house to life which calmed Martha’s nerves. She could concentrate on them now and not be forced into talking about things she wasn’t comfortable with.

  ‘Mummy?’ Willy piped up staring at her with his big blue eyes. She couldn’t believe she had created something so beautiful.

  ‘Yes, darling?’

  ‘Mummy, can you take me to the park today? Just us?’

  Martha looked at Mae and then back at Willy.

  ‘Yes, of course, angel, that would be lovely. We can go out after breakfast if you like.’

  He nodded and stuffed a piece of toast into his mouth. Martha felt like her little hero had just saved the day. He hadn’t asked to be alone with her since they moved house but she was glad of it. A few hours out of that house would be a welcome break today. Her short spell at happiness was short lived as she heard Peter’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

  All she could do was to carry on what she was doing, shuffling about
pretending to organise breakfast. Act normal Martha she thought. It meant nothing. He was drunk. It was a stupid mistake.

  As Peter reached the bottom of the stairs, he was whistling and came into the kitchen, beaming.

  ‘Morning lovely ladies and charming chaps.’ The boys giggled and Mae ignored him. ‘Isn’t it a beautiful day. The sun is shining. I have two beautiful women living under my roof, a young son destined for great things with a good friend by his side. What a glorious life it is sometimes.’

  The kitchen remained silent.

  ‘What? God, can’t a man do anything right these days? Anyone would think this house had been bombed. We are some of the lucky ones you know. Well, I think I’m lucky,’ he said, as he kissed Mae’s neck, and again, she ignored him. ‘Ah well, never mind, is this fresh tea? Thank you, Martha. How are you today? Did you sleep well?’ he asked her, seeming positively full of himself without an ounce of guilt about him.

  ‘Yes, thank you, Peter, I did.’

  Willy had finished his breakfast and so she seized the opportunity to take the boys upstairs and get them dressed.

  She got out their clothes in autopilot mode whilst being completely baffled and somewhat dumbfounded by Peter’s actions just then. Was he honestly that happy? Why? Was it because of their kiss? Was it because he had realised he had made a mistake and had decided to move on and make it work with Mae? She hoped so.

  She picked up Willy’s top. It was quite dirty. It would have to do for today and she would hand wash it tonight. She didn’t have any spare money for clothes at the moment, but her sister was due to send her some in the next couple of weeks and hopefully they would have a nice sunny day where Martha and Mae could go shopping together with the boys. She had moved to Mae’s because not only the space and the offer itself, but Mae’s village was considered safer than where she had been previously living. She had been quite close to the city previously. Moving to the countryside made her feel much more at ease. It was comforting to be somewhere safer but they were living in uncertain times and theoretically nowhere was safe.

  ‘Right, there you are my boy. Don’t you look just as handsome as ever? I still can’t believe how big you are getting,’ Martha said, as she slipped on his shoes.

  ‘I’m not that big, silly Mummy, I’m still little,’ said Willy, patting her head as he leaned on her.

  ‘Well, I guess you are still a bit little and you will always be my baby.’ Charlie had been getting dressed as well and began laughing and taunting Willy.

  ‘Baby. Baby. Baby.’

  Willy looked annoyed. She could see his personality developing, he didn’t like being mocked and she could tell that Charlie was destined to be the class clown.

  ‘Come on you two, let’s go downstairs.’

  The two boys raced ahead. They very rarely moved at a reasonable pace, that was reserved for when they were tired or being forced to eat something they didn’t want to, but any other time of the day seemed to be a race for them. They were always buzzing about and it was nice and just how boys should be.

  Martha walked into the kitchen. Peter was still sitting at the table and Mae was out in the garden emptying the bin. Peter was reading the paper but made a point of lowering it to stare at Martha. There were no grey areas this time. He was staring right at her. Thankfully, Mae came in.

  ‘You two off out then? You and Willy?’

  Martha’s heart was up and down like a yo-yo. She didn’t know how she was going to cope with this. Every question seemed like it began as an accusation but then ended with relief.

  ‘Yes, I’m going to take him down to the river. He obviously wants some Mummy time. He won’t for much longer, so I had better make the most of it.’

  She said it in a jovial way, trying to ignore the feeling of Peter’s eyes staring at the back of her.

  ‘Oh really? Down to the river and past David’s garage by any chance?’ she enquired.

  ‘No I won’t take Willy down there. I think maybe he is a bit insecure about all the recent changes. No, I think what he needs is to have me to himself for a couple of hours like how we used to be.’

  ‘Yes. Children do pick up on everything, don’t they? Sometimes I think they see things even adults can’t. They’re very, oh what’s the word, you know like a sponge. They soak everything up like a sponge. Oh well, he doesn’t need to know you are seeing delicious David later. Time for him this morning and some time for Mummy this evening,’ she said, winking at Martha.

  Peter put down his paper, went to the back door and lit up a cigarette.

  ‘Well, yes, perhaps,’ agreed Martha, somewhat against her will.

  ‘I’ll have some lunch for when you get back then.’

  With that, Mae began to busy herself again. She always seemed genuinely happy when she could busy herself. It was almost as if she wasn’t comfortable in her own skin and her apparent abundance of confidence was a façade.

  Martha went to the back door and called Willy in and then reluctantly made contact with Peter’s eyes.

  He stared right at her and mouthed ‘Don’t.'

  She gulped, took Willy’s hand and said goodbye to them all.

  She was glad to be out of that house. How on earth could she have let this happen? she thought. Everyone who knows her would be so disappointed in her if they knew what had been going on. She never thought she would be the sort of woman to get caught up in something like this. She decided not to let it spoil her morning with Willy; he didn’t deserve that. He deserved her full attention. She loved that little boy for many reasons and one of those was he could make her forget all her troubles.

  The two of them walked down the street hand in hand, him in his little cap and her looking dainty and elegant. To look at her, she looked like one of those women that had it all together, but she was a nothing but a confused mess inside.

  That morning Martha had quality time with her beloved son, Willy. He was like anaesthetic for her unhappy mind. They blew dandelions. They watched ducks in the river. They made daisy chains. They lay together in the long grass. They cuddled. He stroked her hair with his chubby little hands. When she was with him she was at peace. He distracted her from anything bad in the world or her life.

  Sometimes she would look at him and just want to cry. Sometimes it was because he made her heart ache with love. Sometimes it was because he had no idea how much she needed him let alone him needing her.

  Sometimes it was because she couldn’t see very far ahead in the future and she didn’t know if she could be the best mother to him.

  She didn’t have a lot to offer him and she felt he deserved the world, she really couldn’t have asked for a more special little boy. He would be at school soon and although a lot of families were struggling due to the war, she had almost nothing materialistically, for him. Thank goodness for her sister Jane’s financial support.

  She wished she could give him the world but what if she never could? What if life got the better of her and she became bitter and took it out on him? What if he grew up not to like her? What if he wished he had a different family? She wished John was there to help her through it. Many of her friends had told her she was so strong. A lot of them had said they wouldn’t have coped as well as she did. They were nice and supportive, she knew that, but what choice did she have? All she could do was carry on. All she could do was try and keep it together for Willy.

  God, it had been so hard. There were many times she wished she could give up if it hadn’t been for Willy, who knows where she would be now? He was a blessing for her mental state, but on the other hand, he gave her more responsibility than she thought she could handle at times. She hated herself for even thinking that. He didn’t ask to be here.

  He was the child that they had both wanted so much and she physically winced every time she had thought about how hard life was. He was her beautiful blue-eyed boy. He never gave her grief. He was just a sweet little boy without a dad, and with a mum just trying to do her best. He never judged her.
He always wanted to see her in the morning, and he still wanted her to tuck him in at night. She would tuck him in and tell him not to worry about the boogie man, she would always protect him, but it was Willy who was saving her at the moment.

  After they had played together for a couple of hours, they picked up their things and made their way back to the house. Willy needed feeding. The fresh air had tired him out and Martha could feel herself getting distracted and not giving him her full attention, so she decided it would be best to get him back to his playmate. As they walked back, Willy was very talkative about the clouds in the sky. He was trying to count them all as he walked.

  ‘There are two big ones and three small ones. Oh, there’s another big one, so there are three big ones Mummy.’

  Martha looked up at the sky and counted with him.

  ‘You’re a clever boy. There are three big ones and three smaller ones…’

  They were both looking up when a familiar voice said ‘Boo.’ and Willy burst into fits of giggles. It was David from the garage. He had walked straight into them and was tickling Willy under his chin.

  ‘Hello, Martha, you look beautiful, today,’ he said, staring right at her.

  She blushed.

  ‘Thank you, David. I wouldn’t say beautiful, but thank you.’

  She looked down at the ground. The meeting was quite awkward.

  ‘So uh, so… are we still on for this evening?’ David enquired, sensing that Martha was not relaxed, ‘because we can do it some other time if you prefer. Well, I don’t know if I’ll still have the car you like next time, but I get a different car to fix every few days, so I’m pretty sure I’ll have something to take you for a spin in?’

  He looked at her and she was still staring at the ground.

  ‘Unless it’s not the car. We don’t have to go out ever if you don’t want to, I know Mae put us on the spot but I just thought you did want to, but as I say…’

  Martha cut him off, ‘Of course I would like to. I said I would and I do. It wasn’t Mae’s decision, it was mine and yes. Yes, I would. Very much so. Shall we say 7.30pm?’